I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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