my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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