So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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