Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dicks are not precious.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
