I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize