I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
