Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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