no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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