I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
