He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
