No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
