can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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