the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize