i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
