go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
