ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
