The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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