I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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