can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
