There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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