Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do herpes really smell.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
