People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
