Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
