Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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