i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
