Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
