Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
