I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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