Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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