I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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