and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
