Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
