I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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