just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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