She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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