Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize