Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
