as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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