i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
