end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize