There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
