She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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