just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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