Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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