did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
