P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize