I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
