Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
