dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I puked a lego.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
