I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I could make wine with my vomit
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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