Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
