Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
