that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
