College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
