just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
