69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
