I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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