You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
