I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
