Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
