I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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