So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
