Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
