So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize