So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
