He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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