I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
