I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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