I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
