i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
