if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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