so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
