you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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