can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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