i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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