Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
