go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
