i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
