i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
