His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
