the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
