Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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