Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
