so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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