It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
