I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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