I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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