u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
