...so i touched it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize