Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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