All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
