And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
