I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
