It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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