I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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