R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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