she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
