If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
