Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
