I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
