Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
