Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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