did you get engaged???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
