just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
