I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
