my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
