don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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