ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
