i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
