Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
