Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
