"it" just moved
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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