Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
