dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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