If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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